What do you do when an ex wants to get back together, but you think it might be just as friends, and you still have feelings for him? This is a dangerous thing to do because it will keep you stuck in heartache. When you still have feelings and get back together as a couple, it is too painful to have him near, but basically unavailable. Plus, when he’s wanting to be just friends, he’s going to date and want to tell you about it.

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If you spend time as “just friends” when you heart is aching to be with him, you’re being a doormat, allowing him to use you to get some of his needs met, while you ignore your own needs. This is a good time for you to speak up and set your boundaries. This is not easy when you’re hoping he’s interested in more than just friendship. But if you don’t say anything, and attempt to get together, you’ll be dishonoring yourself. Tell him you still have feelings so you can’t be just friends. Then stick to what you know is best for you in the long run.

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After 4 years together, a serious trauma for me (he couldn’t be there), and Federal Prison for him (17 months which of course I stood in support), he did exactly that–ended the relationship by making a 10 minute phone call. Then shut me out completely. It’s been 5 months of the worst heartbreak of my adult life. We had planned marriage and a wonderful life together, and like “we” never existed, he was gone. Even though I figured out why he did it that way, it helped to see it written down. Knowing I will probably never get the “closure” I need is one thing, accepting ‘head’ over ‘heart’ is another.

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One of the most important things I teach in Men Made Easy is how to develop your Feminine Grace. Part of that is learning to fall in love with yourself, learning to honor yourself and not settle for less than you deserve. Getting back with an ex who hasn’t made it clear he wants to be a couple is not how you take care of your own needs. That has to come first. Too many women ignore their own needs when it come to men. Don’t let that happen to you.

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Kara, this is so true.. my partner informed me recently that he no longer wants to be in a relationship – but that I didnt have to move out.. I could board… Well how hard was that – not because he wanted to talk about his dates etc. more because he hid them from me- so even as a friend he couldnt be honest with me!! That hurt more than if he had told me about them… I am glad I read this post as it has given me perspective – it is about me – not him – I want to be appreciated for who i am – not just a doormat… I thought by being around him my needs were being met… having him near me – but what is the point when he is physically here but unavailable emotionally… thank you again.

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